Lessons from Dad: Day 4

Here's lessons from Dad: Day 4

1.       Family First

Dad has always taught us the importance of family. When I was in High School, this seemed a little restrictive, since my friends seemed vastly more important to me at the time. And though I was given a lot of freedom, Dad always emphasized that family relationships are forever and should be what we hold most dear. But he doesn’t just teach us in words, he teaches by example.

Often my Dad was called to work Sundays via participating in Protestants services on the military base. There were times when he was also “on call,” meaning he had to be ready at a moment’s notice 24/7 to be with a needy solider. I’ve mentioned how often the army makes family togetherness difficult. But Dad always did, and still does, find a way around it. For example, he would often let me tag around to the Protestant services with him. I remember the “passing of the plate” and many of the hand-clapping, guitar-playing choruses. They were always fun memories, but I liked them best because it meant that I could be with my Dad. He normally works in an office, and when Mom and I were on base, we would drop by and Dad would show us all the little gifts he had acquired over the years, such as various versions of the Bible and even a Holy Qur’an. I loved playing with his military gear as well. However, most notable was the family picture that he always had placed on his desk by the computer. It may have been an outdated version, but it was always there.

When he was first accepted into the Chaplaincy, we lived in Oklahoma. I remember that every Friday night, Kathryn and I would go through a ritual of pretend prayer to the heavens that Dad had brought home a rented movie for us (it was a ritual we had gotten from an old Donald Duck cartoon). Friday nights were movie nights. Going to Wal-mart with Dad was always fun because he often gave in to our pleas to get little treats for us. Basically, anything was made more fun when it was with Dad.

Later, he instituted Special Nights, where every weekend (when not otherwise working) Dad would go take one of us kids on a night out with him, complete with a special treat. They were never exuberant, incredibly memorable events. But the fact that he wanted to spend more time with us was what mattered.

Once a month, on Sundays, Dad would bring us in one at a time into his bedroom and, beginning with a prayer, counsel with us about our lives and concerns. Though I was initially hesitant and what seemed to be prying into my personal life, I have come to value these talks with Dad because I now know I can tell him anything. With everything else that he has tried to do to put family first, he has not only taught us life lessons, he has gained our trust. I always know I can depend on him.

2.       Love is a Verb: Selfless Service. 

“Love is a verb,” might be one of the phrases I remember most. Like his lessons on faith, my Dad believes that true love is a principle of action. Just as loving God suggests that we will keep his commandments, loving one another implies our willingness to serve them. Selfless service is obviously a part of my Dad’s life, as outlined in all the previous posts, but sometimes it is just the little things that would capture my attention the most, particularly in the way he treats my mom.

One image that has stuck with me, probably because it was so often repeated, occurred in the kitchen. My mom would be washing the massive loads of dishes that always follows dinner for a family of ten. My Dad would sneak up behind her, wrap his arms around her, and then kiss her gently on the cheek. My Mom would giggle like a school girl. Then, it was often the case that my Dad would end up doing the dishes for her.

I think work ethic is natural with my Dad. When he has days off of work, he often goes to town with a vigorous sort of “spring cleaning” style, and I’m sure my mom always appreciates the effort. He also devotedly cleans the Church on Saturday morning, sometimes alone, so that we can sleep in. While still being firm in discipline and family rules, there were countless times where my Dad had compassion, letting us sleep in, stay up a little later, play another round of bowling, etc…all at little cost to ourselves, but maybe a little more cost to him. Silent acts of selfless love.

A close friend of mine, who spends a lot of time at my house, always tells me how she loves to watch my parents interact. They are always holding hands and smiling at one another. Once, when mom was about to take me and my friend somewhere, she started out the door when my Dad suddenly grabbed her belt, pulled her back in the house and kissed her before letting her go again. Through constant service, continual expressions of “I love you,” and showing that gentle affection in his everyday acts, my Dad is the epitome of “love is a verb.”