Simply and Satirically Me

“Hold up your light that it may shine unto the world. Behold I am the light that ye should hold up – that which ye have seen me do.” I’ve never thought much about why. Honestly, prior to serving a mission, I never thought much about the what either. What was going on inside my mind. Terms like anxiety, depression, mental illness, obsessive compulsive disorder and the like felt like taboo topics growing up. Those people have problems. Get yourself together. Choose to be happy. Let go of stuff that bothers you. Get over it. And learn to control your thoughts. Not bad advice. Frankly, it’s good advice to actively take control of your mind and body and walk the path of emotional, physical, and spiritual stability and health. Until you realize that, for some people, they just can’t. One of my first times recognizing a panic attack remains critically imprinted on my memory. Waking up in a cold sweat. An impending sense of doom. My heart racing. The feeling that I was defi

One. My coworker and I always tried for the same seats on the first level balcony overlooking the stage. Every summer at BYU, the Tuesday Morning devotionals were moved from the large Marriott Center to the much smaller De Jong Concert Hall. And the best part about being a full-time BYU employee is that you get paid to attend. That meant we’d both take a book we were reading and get through a couple pages before the speaker began, or else one of us might take a little nap through the whole thing– which was my preference.  One of these Tuesday mornings, when we’d gotten the seats nearest the edge of the balcony, I noticed that one of the men sitting on the stage below was looking up at me. I thought maybe I was wrong at first, but every time I looked down, I’d watch his head move away from the speaker and back up at me. Typical of the girl that I am, I went through various possibilities: was I weird looking? Was I pretty? Did he think he recognized me? Did I know him? I did