My Thoughts on Same Gender Attraction

Most of the time I try and avoid the sort of controversy that strikes up in the case of same sex marriage or same gender attraction.

But I think it’s about time I said my piece. Sometimes, amidst the whirlwind of a million extremist viewpoints and intolerance on both sides, it’s just hard to stay silent. 

That said, here’s a brief disclaimer: while I am a member of the LDS church, this is meant to by my own personal opinion. (Meaning, I’m not trying to speak for the church. I hope they agree, though). 

We’ll start with what will appear harsher—the written in stone—stuff. Then we’ll get on to that whole thing we call tolerance. And this is just one approach to the issue. I’m sure I could say more.

First off, some blank statements of belief. Don’t get offended yet. I’ll explain later. 

1. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Notice, I did just quote the LDS church’s “Proclamation on the Family.” I do not believe this policy will change. Ever.

2. Sexual relations between members of the same gender is now and always will be immoral and unacceptable.

3. Sexual relations between a man and woman who are not lawfully married is immoral and unacceptable.

4. Adultery is now and always will be immoral and unacceptable.

5. (This one may surprise you). To feel a sexual attraction for someone of the same gender is NOT a sin in and of itself, but rather to ACT on that inclination is now and always will be immoral and unacceptable. 

These will need some explaining. I beg your tolerance long enough to finish reading.

First off, why such strong positions? Well that goes back to my understanding of my faith. I believe that the single most important thing is the family. I believe that families are eternal; they’ll go on forever, even after death. I believe that the first commandment given was to have children “multiply and replenish the earth”. I believe that gender is an eternal and essential characteristic. Man and Woman. I believe we were created in the image of God. I believe in a Heavenly Father (God) and a Heavenly Mother. Hence, the nature of the family has been an ETERNAL principle. Eternal principles don’t change. So there's the rationale for the above.

But this leads to controversy and claims of intolerance and an unjust God. So let’s talk about the main objection to the above, in the case that just maybe those ideas are true.

Objection:

Why would a just God who believes in the eternal nature of the family allow for some people to have sexual attraction to members of the same sex? Doesn’t that seem contradictory or unfair?

My Answer: Nope, not at all.

But here’s the explanation: I believe in this thing called absolute truth. Truth that never changes...well, that’s what makes it true. I also believe that the only way to figure out that truth is to ask God. To learn it from him. And in the end of the day, that’s what I think life is all about. A sort of test to see if we will turn to the God who created us to learn right from wrong. To see if we will hold to what we know is right, even if no one else does. 

That said, it’s obvious that no one is perfect. And it would be a pointless test if there were no obstacles or temptations. Can you imagine a world where everyone did everything right not because they chose to, but because it was the ONLY option? Yeah, you wouldn’t be able to tell who was good or bad. Everyone would just be, you know, there. Purposeless. Could you imagine a world with no right and wrong? That would just be plain chaotic. 

So let’s say there is truth. There is right and wrong. And God gave us choice. But he also made sure we could figure out which was the RIGHT choice, the one that would make us happy.

It also means there are wrong choices and temptations.

So everyone is tempted by one thing or another. Everyone has a tendency to sometimes act against what we know. Even kids who are taught that stealing is wrong sometimes can’t resist that candy bar at the store. So that’s why it’s a test.

Now here’s the important part.

 The way I see it, if some person’s test is sexual attraction to someone of the same gender (assuming that it is wrong), does that give them some license to exception? Does it make them different?

Well, no, because same gender attraction is just one of many tests.

Another would be pornography.

Another might be someone who is quick to lose their temper. Or someone who struggles with any sort sexual and inappropriate thoughts/actions. Someone might have to try harder to be faithful to their spouse.

Or imagine the child that was born with a drinking addiction because of their mother’s choices. The fact that they have the tendency to drink is not wrong—it was their mother’s doing. But to ACT on it…well, that’s the choice part. That’s the test.

And believe me, everyone has them…tests. That’s why crying “unfair” would be ridiculous. My struggle might not be attraction to someone of the same gender, but I have my own tests that I face every day. And it would be pretty wrong for anyone to claim they have it worse without even knowing me.

So in the end, I just decide that living by my faith makes me happy. I choose my faith over some of the “natural” tendencies as much as I can. The CHOICE, then, is not to identity myself by my temptation, but to identity myself by my faith.

I will not declare to the world what my personal struggle is, but I will declare to the world that I believe I know how to be happy and find peace and truth in such a chaotic world, and it is by holding to the things that I believe—one of them being that sexual intercourse should only be between a man and woman lawfully married as husband and wife.

So if you look at it that way (and you don’t have to, but im explaining why im not the intolerant person that people think I am), there really isn’t any reason to go crazy over my opinions on homosexuality.

The fact of the matter is, I believe that according to eternal unchanging truths, families are with a man and woman lawfully married as husband and wife.

I believe that everyone has tendencies to one natural temptation or another, and same gender attraction is no exceptional case.

I therefore believe that to identity yourself as “gay” or “homosexual” or anything like that is to undermine your more important characteristics. Why focus on a temptation?

I believe that  ACTING on homosexual tendencies is wrong and unacceptable and shouldn’t be condoned in society. But I also believe that individuals working to overcome it should be able to do so without public scrutiny or debate. In general, I’m a “don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of person. 

So when it comes to laws…hey, treat everyone like they’re people. We all have individual rights.

BUT don’t indulge our temptations…after all, you wouldn’t give a child prone to a drinking addiction a glass of beer, now would you? That would be the real injustice.

So I don’t support same sex marriage.

BUT I also don’t think there is reason to persecute people with same gender attraction any more than we should persecute people who are addicted to smoking (another thing I see as wrong). That would be uncharitable and unhelpful.

NOW, you may disagree with all of this. I get that. But you have to understand that the real debate 

should never just be about marriage or rights. The real debate is about whether or not you think it is immoral to have sexual relations with someone of the same gender. That is the real heart of the issue. Is homosexuality immoral? It's the most important question to answer.

If it is immoral, society should discourage it. If it's not immoral, society might as well embrace it. (And don't even try to claim we can't legislate morals, cause its what we do every day..read my other posts--your very indignation at legislating morals is an attempt at doing just that).

So the difference of opinion is NOT a matter of tolerance, it’s a matter of our core beliefs. Intolerance could be claimed by both sides. And it often is.

So in the end, I am not intolerant so much as I disagree with what may soon be the majority. 

And there is a difference. That may be the most important point of all.