The good, the bad, and the awkward: The life of an American Heritage TA.

American Heritage Teaching Assistant: Basically I get to teach labs of students once a week on principles dealing with American politics/ethics/economics, particularly in relation to the Constitution. Sounds boring right? Well, it’s anything but boring. And for a political geek like me, it’s the best job out there. So here’s the good, bad, and…well, awkward. All part of why I LOVE my job.

THE GOOD:

Oh there are far too many to write them all, but I thought I should give a quick highlight of five experiences that remind me just how much I love my job.

1. The People. My first semester of being an American Heritage TA was particularly fun, I somehow was able to develop a pretty good relationship with all my students. I really loved having them come into the review room. It is a lot more laid back and I get to talk about their lives and interests as I try to figure out how to best help them succeed in class and beyond. So often, our conversations drifted from the actual course material.

I remember one time, a group of students who were in my Thursday class at noon came bolting into the Review Room practically shouting out my name. I soon found out the reason for the excitement—one of my students had just gotten engaged. Now, putting aside my thoughts concerning her getting married so young, the scene that followed was priceless. About four girls grabbed chairs and gathered around me as the engaged student told me about her story to the little squeals and smiles of each of us. I looked up at one point in the story and noticed some unusual stares by other TA’s and students in the review room. Yep. This group of students had little to no intention of talking to me about American heritage. They just wanted to share stories about their lives. Eventually, we would usually get around to talking about papers, but I loved how willing they were to share a little piece of their lives with me. It made me feel good, and I’m glad they felt comfortable. I love people.

And that’s just the review room. In labs, I can’t count on my fingers the number of times they had me laughing to tears with their clever, smart remarks and good sense of humor. I nearly collapsed with laughter more than once. I wish I remembered all the specific things that made me laugh. It was an everyday occurrence. I also love that they put up with all my strange quirks…which will be discussed in the “awkward.”

2. Appreciation. At the end of the first semester, I was feeling pretty down. I was pretty certain my students were overjoyed to be finished, but in all honesty, I was going to miss them. So imagine my surprise when, on the last few days of classes and thereafter I got dozens of thank you and complimentary e-mails, a jar of nutella, thank-you cards and even during the next semester one of my students wandered into the review room and gave me a cupcakes and thank-you card! It made my day! At the end of the second semester, I even received an e-mail from my boss telling me that I had received so many complimentary comments from my students on the end of semester evaluations that she wanted to send me a sample to show me how my students felt about me. I was stunned of course.

I also received a touching letter from one student outlining how her whole perspective on life had changed. I received a number of friend requests on facebook, was invited out to lunch more than once, have even been to the house of one of my students. Months after the end of the first semester, I reacquainted with one student and was informed that she had changed her major simply because of my American heritage lab. I still enjoy seeing the smiles on the faces of all my old students. I remember once getting ice cream at the creamery, and having the cashier(one of my students) light up and tell me how much she missed being in class with me. They are always so excited to tell me about how their lives are doing since American Heritage. It makes my day every single time.

Now, I realize this just sounds like I love praise, which is probably true to an extent, but I think it’s more than that. I’m really just grateful that  my job has allowed me to meet so many incredible people. As a teacher, you really start to care for your students in a way that is hard to explain. I honestly want them to become something great. I believe everyone of them has incredible potential and because I care so much about them, just seeing them again and remembering the little part I got to have in their life (which I hope was good) really just makes me smile every time. I love my students. ALL of them. Even if I never got to know them as well.

3. MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR. It would be wrong to talk about the good memories of American Heritage without mentioning the fact that the Hunger Games movie came out near the end of my second semester teaching. I love the Hunger Games novels. So much. And most of my students do as well. So, it was fun to try and incorporate elements from the books into class labs, quizzes, etc. The movie came out midnight Friday, which meant that my students also had lab later in the day.

I encouraged them to come to labs…but I also encouraged them to see the movie at midnight. Haha. The truth is, I have low tolerance for violence of any kind and was hoping that they could all go see it at midnight and give their own special review of the movie. It actually worked pretty effectively. When that Friday came around, I remember having such a hard time keeping the lab subject focused on American heritage. I was supposed to split them up into groups to talk about some American Heritage Concept. But as I went around to each group to see how they were doing…well, I ended up just having private conversations with them about the movie. I love seeing their faces light up when they are talking about something they really do enjoy. They all emphatically insisted that I see the movie. Which I did, that very night. 

It was just a fun way to bring us all together.

4. Freedom! Guitar playing and accents says it all. I mean, how many of us have jobs where we can talk like a Scottish patriot and play songs about awkward dating moments with guys? Yes, I always try to relate everything I do to American Heritage. But as long as they are learning, I am free to be as creative as I want. I love that sort of freedom.

5. Politics. Yes it’s great to have a job where I get to teach stuff I am so passionate about. But the hope is that something say will somehow influence someone for good. So basically, if you can’t tell, the reason I love being an American Heritage TA is more than the fact that I can have enlightening discussion about politics with young, intelligent and motivated students…it’s really all about the students themselves. To close these good memories, I will just mention one more little memory. 

The end of the second semester, as I was heading to the review room to conduct a last review session before finals, I ran into one of my students on her way out. I greeted her cheerfully, but she seemed a little embarrassed, which I thought was unusual. She was always so motivated, cheerful, and actively participated in labs. Then she quickly mentioned that she had left me something in the office. When I went to the office, I was given a letter written to me form this student. I was touched reading it, and now keep it in my journal. In short, she outlined how much labs with me had changed her entire outlook on life. She told me that I had made a difference in her life.

The ability to make a difference, even if only in the life of one, is my dream. It is the purpose of what I do, my desire to teach. I want to learn from my students, but also have the small hope that maybe somehow I can help someone else. Her letter was like a fulfillment of that hope. I showed my parents the letter and was like “this is what it’s all about. This is why I do what I do. It makes everything worth it to make a difference.” I’m very grateful that she had the courage to let me know. I have every confidence that she will do great things.

The BAD: okay, let’s make this short. Since I don’t really want to focus on this part of anything.

1. Grading Papers. Not exactly the most enjoyable experience, but I do get paid. 

2. Reading. You do have to read the textbook and attend lectures along with your students. Pretty sure I have read the book a hundred times by now. Unfortunately, it doesn’t give me the same thrill as reading the Hunger Games.

3. Angry Students. Sadly, it happens. So does students who just don’t try. That can be frustrating. I don’t want to fail anyone, but occasionally I have a student who makes it difficult to try and pass them. And sometimes, students are just not satisfied with an A-. They’ll argue with you til the world ends. 

4. Confession!—Things I would NEVER say (but might possibly think) as a TA. “Okay, I need a stupid stamp for some of these papers.” “I’ve told you this a hundred times before. What planet you on today?” “That comment is off the wall. Who raised you?” “WRONG!” “Please bring your brain with you to lab next time.” “You’re a communist, aren’t you?” “Dang, you’re very attractive. Are you really a pre-mis?” “If you actually paid attention for once, you might not have failed the test.”  “Yes, dear, a 37% is a bad grade. In fact, it sucks.” “You talk way too much buddy…wait, what is he saying? I think he wants me to answer. Dang...smile and nod, Sandra, smile and nod.” “That comment was….really awkward.” *speechless*

 

5. Tardiness. Which is bad. Especially when you have an 8 am lab and on the second week of teaching, you wake up at 8:08. Oops. Somehow, I made it to class about 20min. away all ready to go on only 17 minutes. World record. To top it off, only two students had left the classroom. So it was bad, ,but it ended up being pretty good. Once again, I practically worship my students. They’re great. 

The AWKWARD: Confessions of an American Heritage TA

“Insert foot in mouth” might be the best description of me. Particularly when I’m tired. Please enjoy these stories. I mean to say, try to laugh at them…at least to make me feel better. That’s what I do every time I think of them.

1. Class activity. I was to split up the students into thirteen small groups of 2-3 people. Each student represented one of the 13 colonies and they were to debate about how the President of the country should be elected. I remember well the proposal of “North Carolina.” They had elected as their spokesman the one black student in the class. Normally, I wouldn’t have noticed. Until he gave his proposal,

“The state of North Carolina would like to suggest that only states that support slavery should be allowed to elect the President”

                Okay. So, he was trying seclude power to the southern states. But in the moment, the irony hit me a little too hard. I had just taken a drink of my juice, and proceeded to half-spit, half-choke while I started laughing. Then I looked at him curiously, “You do know you’re black, right?”

                Bad idea. The class burst into laughter and he sat down silently, clearly embarrassed. I don’t remember how the rest of the lab went, but I felt pretty stupid. So, I looked for him in the Review Room the next day. I took him aside and apologized. He was all smiles, “its okay. I really did think it was funny, so it’s cool. But there were some kids that we’re acting all weird about it. I mean, they kept coming up to me and asking if I was okay. I was like yeah! It was funny!”

                I appreciated his easy-going attitude…but really. I had just destroyed all my credibility. I kept apologizing to other students who came to the Review Room, but that was a problem since the students who actually go to the Review Room are the ones who…well, are already more disposed to like me. They informed me that it wasn’t offensive (as I hadn’t meant it to be, I’m just an idiot), but I wasn’t convinced. So in lab the next week I gave a little lecture about racism. And also perspective, the only lab of the three that semester who got this talk. Basically, I would put a question to my students,

                “Alright everyone, let’s talk about perspective. How would you feel if I pointed at some kid and said ‘hey, do you see that fat kid over there?”

                I received a bunch of really confused, embarrassed expressions. And silence.

                “Wouldn’t that make you feel kind of bad?”

                Finally I thought I caught a few nods. I had now convinced them all that I was the most bigoted person on the planet. Then I looked them straight in the eyes and said,

                “Why? What’s wrong with fat people?”

                There were blank stares for a moment, and then a few chuckles as people started to catch on. I tried to explain that we can get overly sensitive when people point to our differences, but if you get uncomfortable it must be because you personally have a value problem with it. Simple acknowledging that someone has a different hair or skin color, or even weight, isn’t inherently offensive. Unless you think it is. So, I apologized if anything I said in the past had sounded wrong, and tried to assure them that I can be satirical, but I never mean to be offensive. I don’t know if it worked, or if it was a good enough apology, but I did try to illustrate the immorality of racism a little more heavily after that, particularly when we talked about the Civil Rights movement.

Now all this might sound paranoid, but as a teacher I have to be an example and I need my students to be able to look up to me. I have to be professional and dignified. Even if it wasn’t meant to be an offensive remark, it could hardly be called professional. Great. Insert foot in mouth.

2. When I’m tired, I can sometimes get a little crude. Pretty sad, but I’m working on it. Second semester of teaching, I had a lab at 10am after an office hour at 9am. I also had designated Friday as Temple day, so I went at about 6am. And I also stayed up late Thursday working on the lesson until sometimes 2am. I got very little sleep sometimes.

One of these times, only the second week of school, we were doing an activity where I had two students come up in front of the class to tell us about their interests and hobbies. The goal was to show how differences can complement each other and make a better whole—in line with Winthrop’s’ Model on Christian Charity. But my students were having trouble finding any connection between their interests, so I had to get imaginative. The girl finally admitted that she wanted to be a nurse, and the boy said he wanted to be an actor. Trying to think quickly, I said that the boy could go on to act in movies that she could enjoy, while she could “nurse his kids” while he was away at work.

Of course, I meant the old school type of nursing, more like being a nanny. But all my students understood, was that I was telling the girl to starting nursing his kids….I remember the horrified/disturbed look on her face,

                “You want me to do want?”

                “No, NO that’s not what I meant!” I tried, but the class had exploded into laughter again. Dang. I tried to explain, “I meant like nurse, like take care of, not…not the other one!”

                There was no stopping the laughter, even as the few still horrified students started to nod their heads in understanding. I turned bright red and had to hide my face in my hands. Somehow, I eventually got control again. But I am still embarrassed thinking about it.

3. In similar fashion, this same lab once asked me if we were going to watch any movies clips in class. Excited because of my passion for the Jason Bourne movies, I attempted to explain that I was going to show them some Bourne clips. But it didn’t come out that way,

                “Yeah, I’ll probably try to find a way to show you guys some porn clips.”

                Dang. Wrong.

                “PORN?” once again the class was hysterical.

                “No! NO! Bourne! I meant Bourne…like Jason Bourne. You know how much I love Matt Damon!”

                This is a story these students tell me they still remember. To my infinite chagrin.

4. While teaching a review session first semester, I had a number of students from my labs as well as students from other labs attend the session. It was just after we had completed a successful service project making Christmas packages for soldiers and poor children. My students seemed to have a good time, and afterward a lot of us stayed around to talk before the review. It was fun, and I was in high spirits. I was also tired because I had been forced to get up early, drive from my grandparents house in Sandy where I was visiting, to get to the Project, buy some breakfast treats, set up, and then work on the Project with my students.

During the review, we were going over some of the packet readings for the course. I was trying to say the name of one of the authors, without much luck. In fact, it was horrible luck.

                “Okay, this one was written by some guy named John Rucka..fucka…something.”

                Yes, it sounded just like I had dropped the F-bomb. And yes, it was purely incidental.

                “NO! NO!” I remember shouting while covering my embarrassed face with my hands. My students were laughing. They knew me pretty well by now. I say a lot of unfortunate, weird things. The other students, who didn’t know me as well, looked scared.  To try and blow it off, I explained that I had taken Arabic, and the word for “thinking about” sounds a lot like the f-word, so I use it a lot when talking Arabic, and it just popped out. Who knows what they were thinking. I’m terrible at excuses.

                They calmed down enough for me to finish the review session. However, shortly after my replacement arrived and I left the room, I got a phone call.

                “Hey Sandra, this is Katherine (the TA who replaced me).”

                “Oh. Hey, Katherine, what’s up?”

                “Well, one of the students here says that you took her book with you.”

                Oops. I had forgotten that I had asked to borrow one of my top student’s textbook for the review. And I had absently placed it in my bag and took off with it. With increasing embarrassment, I walked back head down into the room, face red, and pulled the book from my bag to place on her desk, muttering,

                “Well, there you go. I swear and I steal!”

                Thankfully, they all laughed. The other TA was likely horrified.

5. Review Room. I love the review room. I have so many fun conversations with my students, and I try really hard to get to know them…which they may or may not like. I have so many incredible students and they all have unique stories and backgrounds and talents. Unfortunately, the less professional the environment, the more laid back I get in conversation. I don’t even need to be tired.

                Once when working on a paper with a student for about two hours, the subject somehow came up that she had an older brother who has just off his mission and single. Jokingly, I told her to set me up with him. She asked me if I was serious and, still in jest, I said emphatically, “Girl, do you want an A on this paper?”

                Word of advice. Don’t joke about bribing and grades with your students. Furthermore, don’t make said jokes when the room happens to go completely silent and there are several other TA’s listening in. I don’t know how I got out of that one. I probably just laughed it off. Embarrassment complete. Sarcasm, satire, and all my humor is sometimes a genuine curse. Don’t try to be funny on the job, Sandra.

Thankfully, my students somehow still respected and liked me. I have to keep remembering the “good section” of this memoir, but it seems that being a little human did have its advantages. I make mistakes. I say and do stupid things. But I do care about my students, and I really want them to learn. I hope that in the end that was what they got out of their semester with me. I pray they remember all the good things about the class and that they desire to really make something of themselves. I love American Heritage. I love my students. I love a job where I can work with and learn from great people. I can be pretty crazy, but they’ve helped me really start to catch a better vision for myself. They’ve taught me how to really love people.

 I never want to forget his first year. Even with the bad and awkward, the good memories easily drown them out. There are too many to write. This has been one heck of an incredible learning experience for me. And I have loved every awkward minute of it.